Self-care

Coping mechanisms

Types of coping mechanisms

Now, coping can go two main ways:



1. Problem-focused coping

This is when someone tries to do something about the issue.
Fix it. Change it. Solve it.

For example: A young person realizes they’re falling behind in school. They talk to their teacher, create a study plan, and ask for tutoring help. They’re tackling the issue head-on.



2. Emotion-focused coping

This is about handling the feelings that come with the situation—especially when you can’t fix it directly.
For example: After a breakup, a teen might journal their thoughts, cry it out, call a friend, or do something creative to release emotion. The pain is real, and they’re making space to feel it instead of ignoring it.

Let’s put this into a story:

If they use problem-focused coping, they might call the bank, freeze the card, and check their budget to stay afloat until it’s resolved.
If they use emotion-focused coping, they might order comfort food, talk it out with someone they trust, or distract themselves with a favorite movie.
If they use a blend of both, maybe they start by calling a friend who went through something similar. They get advice, reassurance, and a clear plan. That gives them the emotional strength to handle the practical steps—and they still allow themselves some comfort along the way.

This is what we call active coping—doing something, either about the stressor or about how it feels. And that’s what we want to encourage: coping that helps young people adapt, stay grounded, and keep moving forward.

But we also need to watch out for maladaptive coping—the kind that numbs, avoids, or harms. Things like withdrawing from everyone, using substances, or blaming themselves might feel like relief in the short term, but they don’t support long-term mental health. That’s where our guidance really matters.

By helping young people explore different coping tools—and showing them that it’s okay to ask for help, to feel what they feel, and to take positive action—we’re giving them lifelong skills.

To help you understand this further, here is the wheel of coping:

Why coping mechanisms matter for mental well-being

When a young person is dealing with mental distress or a light mental problem, above mentioned coping mechanisms can be very useful for maintaining their well-being. Healthy coping responses can guide you from a state of stress or agitation back into a sense of balance. They often activate your inner problem-solving mode, allowing you to zero in on aspects of a situation that are within your influence, such as your behavior or emotional reactions.

The point of such mechanisms is focusing on what we can control. That means that even though the core reason or trigger of mental distress and mental health problems can be something external, we need to focus on everything we can do from the inside for the sake of our well-being. That leads us to the psychological term internal locus control – your belief in your capacity to to influence outcomes in your life. People with strong internal locus control are more likely healthier, more satisfied with life and more resilient. On the other hand, people with external locus control tend to often look to outside forces to steer their actions or choices. This mindset often leads to passivity, discouragement, dissatisfaction and reliance on less effective ways of coping. Even though there are things and situations that are out of our hands, we still need to focus on small changes within ourselves to increase resilience, acceptance and flexibility.

Take a quick look on the differences between a person with internal locus control and a person with external locus control:

Individuals who possess a strong Internal Locus of Control:	Individuals with an external locus of control:
Are more likely to take responsibility for their actions	Blame outside forces for their circumstances
Tend to be less influenced by the opinions of other people	Often credit luck or chance for any successes
Usually have a strong sense of self-efficacy	Don’t believe that they can change their situation through their own efforts
Tend to work hard to achieve the things they want and often achieve greater success in the workplace	Frequently feel helpless or powerless in the face of difficult situations
Feel confident in the face of challenges	Are more prone to experiencing learned helplessness

Recognize unhealthy coping patterns

There are situations in which a young person can say how they are dealing with a problem perfectly fine and how it is helping them. Be careful! Always try to check how they are dealing with the problem and what the actual problem is. Young people can engage in activities that result in them feeling better, which is most of the time only a short-term “help”. To be able to engage in healthy coping mechanisms a person must be completely aware of what is the problem, why the problem exists and that coping mechanisms take time to notice they feel better, they are effective in the long-term. These are some of the signs that a young person is engaged in unhealthy coping patterns:

Increasing reliance on substances such as alcohol, recreational drugs, or medications.
Emotional eating or consuming excessive processed, sugary, or high-fat foods.
Ignoring or denying that a problem exists.
Using distractions like excessive partying, gaming, or thrill-seeking to escape reality.
Impulsive or excessive spending.
Minimizing or dismissing the seriousness of the issue.
Sudden and dramatic changes in routines—such as eating, sleeping, or exercise habits.
Constantly venting without taking steps to improve the situation, or seeking help but rejecting it.
Social withdrawal and disconnection from people, activities, or interests once enjoyed.

Be patient with young people, explain that everything is a process and that by implementing healthy coping patterns they will notice change, but not immediately. Maintaining well-being is not an overnight thing, it requires patience and consistency, it is hard and challenging, but definitely worth it.

Healthy coping strategies for tough emotions

Coping mechanisms for anxiety



Keep a journal

When anxiety takes over, try to sit down and write exactly what you feel and why. Writing will allow you to calm down your racing thoughts, reduce mental clutter, reflect, problem-solve or simply vent in a safe space. Facing your fears through writing might seem intimidating, but it allows you to explore worst-case scenarios and realize that you could manage them if they occurred — giving you a sense of preparedness and control. By implementing journaling for a longer period of time, you will get written proof that you got better at managing your anxiety, fears and weaknesses!



Prioritize your physical needs

Since anxiety has physical symptoms, it is important to take care of your body as well. Quality sleep can impact your emotional regulation, cognitive function and physical health while lowering stress hormones and enhancing resilience to anxiety. Proper hygiene can help reduce anxiety by promoting a sense of control, boosting self-esteem and providing physical comfort, which fosters a calmer, more positive mindset. Balanced nutrition can help manage anxiety by stabilizing blood sugar levels, supporting brain function, and regulating mood-enhancing chemicals in the body.



Move your body

Being physically active can help when dealing with anxiety because it releases feel-good hormones like endorphins and dopamine. Whether it’s a walk, dance session, or workout class, physical activity boosts mood and improves sleep — both important when managing anxiety.

Coping strategies for managing stress



Deep breathing

Deep breathing can be helpful in managing stress by activating the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and reduces the physiological symptoms of stress, such as increased heart rate and shallow breathing. To do it, inhale deeply through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds and then slowly exhale through your mouth counting to 6 or 8. This simple practice allows you to refocus, calm your mind and reduce the intensity of stress responses.



Release muscle tension

Releasing muscle tension helps manage stress by relaxing the body and reducing physical discomfort. Try to progressively tense each muscle group, starting from your toes and going upwards, hold the tension for a few seconds and then release it. This technique can be done anytime you feel stressed, especially when you notice physical symptoms of stress. It helps by breaking the cycle of stress-induced muscle tension, promoting relaxation and mental clarity.



Practice mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness doesn’t only mean mediation, you can simply pay attention to your surroundings, breathing or the sensation in your body during different activities during the day, without judgment – just observe. Mindfulness is beneficial anytime you’re feeling stressed, as it helps you stay grounded and increase your ability to respond calmly to stressors.

Coping mechanisms for depression



Break tasks down and prioritise

By making overwhelming tasks feel more manageable, reducing feelings of helplessness and providing a sense of accomplishment by achieving each small task, dealing with depression will become easier overtime. By focusing on smaller, achievable steps and tackling them in order of importance, it prevents procrastination and boosts motivation.



Use affirmations

Releasing muscle tension helps manage stress by relaxing the body and reducing physical discomfort. Try to progressively tense each muscle group, starting from your toes and going upwards, hold the tension for a few seconds and then release it. This technique can be done anytime you feel stressed, especially when you notice physical symptoms of stress. It helps by breaking the cycle of stress-induced muscle tension, promoting relaxation and mental clarity.



Reach out to others

Asking for help, advice and support might feel vulnerable, but it is a powerful and necessary step for healing. Start by opening up to your family members, friends, peers or colleagues. There is somebody who will understand you, take you seriously and support you during the healing process. There is always a person with whom you will feel safe enough to be vulnerable.

Psychological defense mechanisms

Have you ever felt something so deeply—fear, sadness, anger—but didn’t quite know how to deal with it? Maybe you laughed during a sad moment, snapped at a friend for no reason, or avoided thinking about something upsetting. Don’t worry—your brain was likely just trying to protect you.

These automatic reactions are called psychological defense mechanisms. Think of them as your mind’s way of defending you from emotional overload. They’re like invisible armor that steps in when things feel too tough to handle. The cool (and sometimes tricky) part is that we often don’t even realize we’re using them.

Defense mechanisms are natural and unconscious ways we protect ourselves from emotional pain or anxiety. They can be helpful, but they can also backfire if used too often or in the wrong situations. Psychologist George Vaillant actually grouped them into four levels based on how helpful (or harmful) they are in the long run.

Let’s go through these four levels—from the least helpful to the most healthy—and meet some of these “mind shields” through real-life examples.

Defense Mechanism	Brief Description	Example
Displacement	Taking feelings out on others	Being angry at your boss but taking it out on your spouse instead
Denial	Denying that something exists	Being the victim of a violent crime, yet denying that the incident occurred
Repression	Unconsciously keeping unpleasant information from your conscious mind	Being abused as a child but not remembering the abuse
Suppression	Consciously keeping unpleasant information from your conscious mind	Being abused as a child but choosing to push it out of your mind
Sublimation	Converting unacceptable impulses into more acceptable outlets	Being upset with your spouse but going for a walk instead of fighting
Projection	Assigning your own unacceptable feelings or qualities to others	Feeling attracted to someone other than your spouse, then fearing that your spouse is cheating on you
Intellectualization	Thinking about stressful things in a clinical way	Losing a close family member and staying busy with making the necessary arrangements instead of feeling sad
Rationalization	Justifying an unacceptable feeling or behavior with logic	Being denied a loan for your dream house, then saying it’s a good thing because the house was too big anyway
Regression	Reverting to earlier behaviors	Hugging a teddy bear when you’re stressed, like you did when you were a child
Reaction Formation	Replacing an unwanted impulse with its opposite	Being sad about a recent breakup, but acting happy about it

Defense Mechanisms Levels

LEVEL 1: PATHOLOGICAL DEFENSES

Rare but serious—distorting reality to the point of disconnection.

In youth work, these may appear in young people who've experienced trauma, long-term neglect, or are dealing with deeper psychological challenges. They might not seem grounded in reality—and it's important to approach these moments with care, and possibly in coordination with mental health professionals.

What you might see?

A young person denying clear evidence of harm (e.g., "No, that fight didn't bother me. It never happened.")

Paranoia—believing everyone in the group is talking behind their back

Extreme distortion, like rewriting a whole experience to avoid shame

Youth work approach:

Stay calm and avoid confrontation about "truth."

Ground the conversation in the present ("I'm here with you now, and you're safe.")

Gently reflect emotions, not facts: "That sounds like a really hard thing to carry."

If ongoing, seek professional mental health support.

LEVEL 2: IMMATURE DEFENSES

Common in teens—protective, but often harm relationships

These defenses are very familiar in youth settings. They show up during conflict, feedback, stress, or emotional overwhelm. They often signal a young person feeling vulnerable and lacking the tools to cope.

What you might see?

Projection: "You're judging me!" (when they're feeling self-critical)

Passive aggression: Ignoring your instructions or mocking you subtly after being challenged

Acting out: Throwing something, storming out, making a scene instead of expressing what's really wrong

Fantasy escape: A young person constantly daydreaming or playing scenarios in their head instead of engaging in group tasks

Youth work approach:

Don't react to the defense, respond to the need underneath.
"It feels like something's bothering you. Want to talk about it later?"

Offer vocabulary for emotions. Most acting out hides confusion or fear.

Model emotional expression by naming your own feelings gently and openly.

LEVEL 3: NEUROTIC DEFENSES

Protective but avoidant—functional in the short-term, limiting in the long-term

These defenses are more subtle. Youth using them may appear "fine" on the surface but are actually avoiding real emotion or inner processing.

What you might see?

Displacement: A young person gets strict feedback in a workshop and later picks a fight during break time with a peer.

Repression: They can't recall important parts of a traumatic experience—but show signs of distress when it's mentioned.

Suppression: "I just don't want to think about it. Let's move on."

Intellectualization: Talking like a psychologist—explaining feelings without ever feeling them

Dissociation: Zoning out in the middle of an activity, or seeming "not fully present" during emotional check-ins

Youth work approach:

Notice emotional disconnection and explore gently:
"You've shared a lot about what happened—but how did you feel in that moment?"

Offer 1-on-1 reflection opportunities, especially in non-intense settings (e.g., a walk, creative session)

Allow silence and slowness—don't rush them to feel

LEVEL 4: MATURE DEFENSES

Healthy coping—these are the tools we want to encourage and strengthen

These defenses show emotional growth. Youth using them are starting to feel their feelings and use them constructively. This doesn't mean they never struggle—but they're learning to ride the waves instead of avoiding them.

What you might see?

Humor: A teen laughs about being nervous before performing, but still goes on stage

Sublimation: A young person writes powerful poetry after a difficult week

Suppression (in a healthy way): Choosing not to talk about family stress during a group game, but asking to talk later

Altruism: Offering to help a new participant after having once been excluded themselves

Anticipation: Practicing self-care strategies before a hard conversation or event

Youth work approach:

Celebrate and reinforce these responses:
"It's really powerful how you're expressing this through your art."

Provide outlets for healthy emotion (art, movement, peer mentoring, storytelling, future planning)

Help youth reflect:
"What's changed for you? What helps you face things better now?"

Every defense is trying to keep someone safe. Our job is to support more conscious, constructive, and compassionate strategies.

Defense mechanisms are not “bad”—they’re strategies

When a young person lashes out, zones out, or acts weirdly “fine,” ask yourself, “What might they be protecting themselves from?”

Behavior is communication

Use activities, art, movement, and dialogue to invite reflection without forcing vulnerability.

Reflection builds emotional literacy.

Use humor, speak openly about emotions, prepare for hard moments together, and show care in helping others.

Model what’s mature.

Which coping style works the best? Help your young people find out



1 - Recognize the emotion — for example, “frustration”

The brain region responsible for intense emotional reactions is different from the one that handles logic and problem-solving. In order to cope effectively, these parts need to work together. One way to bridge them is by naming the emotion. Labeling what young people are feeling can activate the thinking brain and help them make sense of what’s going on.

Keep in mind that simply identifying a feeling won’t always make it disappear. That’s okay. When labeling isn’t enough, you can suggest them to turn to tools that help them process — like drawing, writing in a journal, or taking a walk. Over time, they’ll learn which strategies help them regulate and which ones don’t. Support them in discovering which strategies work best, and encourage them to notice and keep track of what helps them feel more regulated.



2 - Help youth decide on a coping strategy

Once the emotion is named, help the young person take a step back and assess:
“How much influence do you have over this situation?”

This question is powerful because it points them toward the most appropriate coping approach.

If they do have some control, support them in using problem-focused coping:

Help them break down what they can do
Encourage them to create a to-do list or action plan
Offer to roleplay conversations or situations
Help them identify someone they trust to talk to

If the situation feels out of their hands, or they’re just too overwhelmed to act right away, guide them toward emotion-focused coping. Encourage them to do something that supports their emotional state:

Listen to music
Practice yoga or deep breathing
Watch something uplifting
Take a moment to rest or self-soothe

Let them know that both styles are valid—what matters most is choosing what helps in that specific moment.



3 - Focus on what is within their control

Even when a situation feels completely out of their control, young people still have power over how they respond. You can help them tap into that by asking:
“What would your ideal outcome look like?”
“What’s one small step that could move you closer to that?”

These types of questions promote a solution-focused mindset, and often reveal actions they hadn’t considered yet.

In situations where change isn’t possible—like dealing with grief or disappointment—acknowledge that with care. You might say:
“You’re right, you can’t change this part. But you can decide how to take care of yourself right now.”

Whatever the challenge, remind them to show themselves compassion. Ignoring or minimizing emotions may feel easier in the short term, but can build up over time. Instead, support them in feeling what they feel—and moving forward with greater self-awareness and emotional strength.

Coping Habits Guide

Coping Habits

Start by encouraging young people to notice what's causing their stress. Stress can feel overwhelming when it's vague or bottled up. By helping them name specific stressors—whether it's school pressure, a friendship issue, or something at home—they can begin to understand what they're dealing with.

Try using questions like:

"What's been weighing on you lately?"
"When do you usually start feeling stressed during the day?"

The clearer the source, the easier it becomes to choose a helpful coping response.

Invite them to reflect on how they currently respond to stress. Are they withdrawing? Shutting down? Scrolling endlessly on social media? Getting angry?

Together, look at which responses are actually helping, and which ones might be causing more harm.

It can be helpful to say something like:

"Let's figure out which of your go-to habits are helping you feel better, and which ones might be adding more stress in the long run."

No judgment—just honest reflection.

Let them know it's okay if the first coping tool they try doesn't work perfectly. Part of learning to cope is experimenting.

Suggest a few different tools they can test out:

Breathing exercises or meditation apps
Listening to a calming playlist
Doodling or journaling
Going for a short walk
Talking to someone they trust

Let them know it's about finding what clicks for them—not what works for everyone else.

Coping shouldn't only happen when there's a crisis. Help young people build mini routines that support them day-to-day.

This could be:

Taking 5 quiet minutes before class
A daily music break
Ending the day by journaling a few thoughts
Regular check-ins during youth group sessions

By making these small practices part of their normal routine, they'll be more prepared when bigger stressors show up.

Sometimes, young people need more support than we can offer alone—and that's okay.

Let them know that talking to a mental health professional isn't a sign of weakness—it's a sign of strength.

You might say: "There are times when everyone needs a little extra support, and there are people trained to help with that. Would you like me to help you find someone to talk to?"

Be ready to connect them with local counselors, school psychologists, or helplines if needed.

Understanding Coping vs Defense Mechanisms

It's helpful to explain the difference between coping and defense mechanisms in ways they can relate to.

Coping strategies are things we choose to do to help us feel better or solve a problem.

Defense mechanisms happen more automatically—like ignoring a problem or pretending it doesn't matter. These often kick in when something feels too overwhelming.

You can gently explain:

"Sometimes our brain tries to protect us by pushing things away or pretending we're fine. That's normal. But when we avoid dealing with stuff, it usually builds up. That's why learning healthy coping tools matters—they help us actually feel better and move forward."